How We Long for Heaven
by razra
Summary: abandoned - Bluebird's Illusion x Harry Potter: Al, unable to find any medical means to help his brother, decides to make a deal of his own: in exchange for teaching at Hogwarts, Dumbledore promises to do everything he can to help the older Elric...
1. Equivalent Exchange

Notes: For those of you who don't know what Bluebird's Illusion is, it's a fan made game for Fullmetal Alchemist. The basic plotline is that Al's body was restored; however, it's only a temporary container, and he's experiencing a rejection. (And I may as well spoil this because the game is in Chinese and therefore the only way to learn of the plot is through spoilers, but if you do happen to care, well, don't cry to me!)

Well, things happen and there are four endings. You need only be concerned of one.. or two, but I'll tell you the important one: Ed sacrifices himself so that Al has a permanent body and in the process, Ed becomes a vegetable. Not literally.. (Although that would be amusing..) Just not all there. Of course, that's the ending I'm using, if you couldn't tell..

Anyways, there's a good community on livejournal called blubrdsillusion.

Ed is 18, therefore Al is 17.

'Thoughts'

Spoilers: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, possibly some of the FMA anime and manga, and the Bluebird's Illusion fan-game.

Summary: Bluebird's Illusion x Harry Potter: Al, unable to find any medical means to help his brother, decides to make a deal of his own: in exchange for teaching at Hogwarts, Dumbledore promises to do everything he can to help the older Elric, but will everything go as planned or will there only be more heartache?

Rated: PG-13 for strange ideas, language, and because I don't know how to rate. (As usual)

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, Bluebird's Illusion, or Harry Potter because ah well.. Heh.

* * *

**How We Long For Heaven**

**Chapter 1: Equivalent Exchange**

"Brother? How are you feeling today?" Alphonse Elric asked as he walked to the drapes and pulled them aside, allowing the golden rays of the midday sun to light up the small but cozy room. The young man turned to smile sadly at his older brother who was currently staring blankly at some spot on the wooden floor; however, Al was used to this now. After all, it had been a year since the incident.

Currently, the older Elric was dressed in all white; his automail hand reflecting the rays of the sun back onto the wall. His hair was loosely tied back (Al didn't know what to do with the hair since braiding it only brought back tender reminders), and his golden eyes were blank, a far cry to the person he was before.

It was painful to see Edward like this.

Al, on the other hand, was back in his body, permanently, thanks to Ed's sacrifice. He himself had short blonde hair, but no artificial limbs, and wore a simple white shirt and jeans. Al found he simply didn't have the strange tastes in clothes like his older brother.

"It's a nice day out," Al commented, turning to look out the window, enjoying the sun. However, he noticed something interesting; there was an owl perched on his windowsill!

"Err, hello there, little fellow. What are you doing here at this hour?" Al asked, petting the bird. It was then that he noticed that the large barn owl was carrying a letter.

The teen removed it with curiosity and turned it over. The envelope was a heavy parchment and was addressed in green ink to – Al felt his heart twinge and sudden tears clouded his vision – the Fullmetal Alchemist, his brother. However, ever since giving up everything for Al, people had stopped calling Ed by his second name.

Forgetting all about the bird, who took off, Al walked slowly to the bed in the corner of the small room and sat down heavily, still staring at the letter while millions of questions ran through Al's head: Who could've sent this? Why was it sent to brother? Was this some sort of sick joke? Why did he send it by owl?

Of course, none of them could be answered unless Al opened the letter, and for some inexplicable reason, Al didn't want to tear the paper.

After what seemed like hours, Al tore open the paper and read.

Dear Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist,

We would like you to teach at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Sorcery as a new subject, Alchemy. I would like to meet with you at about dinner to discuss any questions you may have.

Sincerely,

Dumbledore

"This has to be a joke," Al muttered, looking up from the paper at his brother. "There isn't such a thing as 'witchcraft', right, brother? After all, if there was.."

_What was the point of your sacrifice? _

Al closed his golden eyes and let a few hot tears drop to the parchment on his lap. Suddenly, the sun-filled room wasn't so warm or comforting.

* * *

Hours passed, and there was a soft knock on the door. Al shifted from his position and blearily rubbed his eyes. "When did I fall asleep?" he muttered, looking at the clock, which now read about 5:30. He felt paper in his hand and looked down. 'Right...' 

Al crumpled the parchment in his hand. 'I'll just tell them to go away,' he thought as he got up from the bed and answered the door.

Standing in the doorway was an old man whose twinkling eyes reminded Al disturbingly of Lieutenant Colonel Armstrong. "Why, hello there! May I please come in? It's been a very long journey, and I'm rather tired."

"Err, ummm, sure.." Al replied hesitatingly and stepped aside, allowing the strangely clad man into the small house. In fact, he reminded Al very much of fairy tale wizards and the like except for the fact that his clothes weren't black, but instead a light blue with giant stars parading across the cloth.

"Ahh, that's better," the man smiled, walking into the kitchen and sinking into a chair at the table.

"Umm, who are you?" Al asked, following him, flicking on the light switch as he entered the kitchen himself. While on the dark doorstep, Al hadn't noticed just how old this guy was. "Ah, and would you like some tea?" Al asked as an after thought, trying to be polite to his elderly guest.

"Tea would be wonderful! I am the headmaster of Hogwarts, Albus Dumbledore. I've come to ask you to take a teaching position at the school as professor of Alchemy."

Al's face darkened. "I'm afraid you have the wrong person." Turning, he smiled sadly. "You see, I am not the Fullmetal Alchemist."

"You.. aren't? But I was under the impression-"

"A common mistake..." Al waved it off nonchalantly and turned back to boiling the water as though it were a task that required much attention.

"Can you tell me where it is I can find him then?"

Al continued preparing the tea in silence as Dumbledore studied him, realizing the gravidity of his question. After the tea was ready, Al set everything on the table, glanced at Dumbledore, then looked away.

"The Fullmetal Alchemist... Edward Elric.. I'm afraid he won't be able to accept your offer on any terms or conditions. I'm sorry."

"But why is that? Can I not meet him face to face?"

"Even if you did, it wouldn't do any good.."

_He can't hear you, just like he can't hear me or Winry or..._

"I see. Then would it be possible to meet his brother? I believe he did have one?"

"I am his brother. My name is Alphonse Elric. I'm afraid I will also be unable to take the position as professor as well, for different reasons." Al poured his guest some tea and then glanced up at the bedroom door, which was behind the old man. He was starting to worry about his brother being all alone in the room for so long, and this batty old man just wouldn't leave!

"But I must have a teacher for Alchemy! You see, I believe dark times are ahead. If my students were to learn this science, they would be better adapted to fight this darkness and prevail. However, without this knowledge, I'm afraid all will be lost." Dumbledore explained urgently.

"I'm sorry, sir. But I must stay and care for my brother."

"Your brother? Edward Elric? Where is he?" The old wizard's eyes darted around the room as though he expected to see the elder Elric secreted away in some corner of the room.

Al sighed. 'This man is being very insistent,' he thought irritably to himself. 'I guess I have no choice then.'

"If you must meet him.. Come." Al got up from the table and led the way to the small bedroom.

"Brother, we have a visitor.." Al said before entering the room and turning on the lights. (He hadn't bothered to see if the headmaster was following; Al knew he was.) The younger Elric was not surprised at all to see that Ed was still staring at the same spot on the floor. In fact, it would seem that his brother had not even moved, which wouldn't be a surprise at all. It was as though Ed was forever posing for some outdated pinhole camera1 and simply waiting for the photographer to announce that he was done so that Ed could move again.

Dumbledore studied Ed for a few minutes then turned back to Al; his eyes seemed bereft of the sparkle that they contained when the old man entered the house; it seemed he understood the gravidity of Edward's condition. "Alphonse, I know little of alchemy and its workings; however, I'm willing to make a deal with you, or rather, an equivalent exchange; I believe that is what you alchemists live by.

"In any case, because you have little understanding of magic, I will do everything within my power to find a cure for your brother if you will work for me at Hogwarts."

Al studied the headmaster, weighing his choices; there really wasn't much to consider though. If he stayed here, there wasn't any greater chance of his brother recovering than if he went somewhere else, especially since alchemy would not be the cure; his research already proved this. Furthermore, this school focused on magic, something Al did not understand, and if there was to be a cure.. Well, it was a possibility.

However, it would mean that Al would not be so involved in Ed's health, but was it a risk worth taking?

"Alright, I'll go."

It would seem so.

* * *

1 – Pinhole cameras – For those of you who have never taken a photography class, a pinhole camera is an annoying little bugger and is literally what it sounds like: A PINHOLE CAMERA. In other words, it's a camera using a hole the size of a pin to allow light to pass through it in order to create a negative image by the varying degrees of the strengths of light. Because there is no flash or other things like that, the cameras have to stay in one location for a certain amount of stupid time where, if it is not held in complete stationary joy, the image will be fuzzy.

* * *

Well, how was it? o.o Please leave a review? 

And maybe if someone wants to be my beta? (If you couldn't tell, I didn't have a beta for this chapter.. I didn't feel like asking my brother. He might've bit my head off for using Harry Potter.. ) Although, as beta, you might never get another chapter.. Heh. I'm so bad about updating! (Because..uh.. I have this great trepidation of posting... .. )

By the way, the title was from _Lost Heaven_ by L'Arc-en-Ciel. Other suggestions are appreciated (For the title, I mean.. and the story)

Razra


	2. So Where Do We Go From Here?

Edit: Fixed a few things. Also, sorry if you didn't get a response to your review.. I got lost with the review button.. and I'm lazy.. Haha..

Notes: I'm sorry that this chapter took forever to put up! (There were a lot of things going on, like living in Asia for a month and a half, exams, stupid things... lame excuses.. Haha).

So I'd like to thank everyone for their support, reviews, et cetera, and I'd especially like to thank AkitaFallow for beta'ing this chapter!

I'll respond to reviews via the button thing!

And I think I might want to go back sometime in the future and rewrite or edit the first chapter; it kind of.. sucks.. o.o

Anywho, happy reading! (And if anyone can tell where the chapter title came from gets a virtual rice crispy treat! - It's not that hard!)

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I'm not copying the disclaimer/summary/et cetera from the first chapter (They still hold, of course). I'm much to lazy for that.. Soo..

* * *

How We Long For Heaven 

Chapter 2: So Where Do We Go From Here?

_Peter Pan,_

_Do you think I could visit you in Neverland? I suppose that will never happen; I am not "young" enough to enter, am I? But what a life that would have been! To be free from sin, living with those you love... If only I could do the same, and live as you do. _

_Perhaps one day, I might be able to return..._

_If only I could find the Fountain of Youth._

* * *

Despair. 

Yes, that was what Al was feeling. He hadn't realized it until now; that is, until Dumbledore had taken his brother to the school for immediate care while sending Al to the Leaky Cauldron so that he could become accustomed to the wizard's life and magic (it wouldn't be wise to become a professor of a magic school if he kept jumping in surprise or fright when a spell was cast). But Al supposed he was only feeling this sort of misery because he had been putting up a strong face for his brother, even though he knew Ed wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

Habits die hard.

However, slowly, his despair was turning into restlessness and frustration. It had become a habit to pace around his small room for hours on end, sometimes even late into the night. At times, he even forgot to sleep because his thoughts kept running in circles. First, in a panic— had he made the right choice?—then anger— why wasn't he being updated on brother's condition?!—then guilt—if it hadn't been for him, Ed would still be alive...—and then panic, once more. The cycle was horrible, but he just couldn't stop it. It was like trying to stop a river from reaching the ocean—impossible.

He even began wondering whether this 'Dumbledore' was actually Envy in disguise, kidnapping Ed in order to have him create the Philosopher's Stone; but that didn't sound right. Surely he knew of Ed's condition—being, in part, the cause of it—and that, therefore, Ed could not make the Philosopher's Stone. However…

Al _could_.

After all, he himself had been there with Ed as they searched to create the Stone, and so he knew how to make one. Still, something didn't click. If the homunculi had kidnapped his brother to make Al forge the Stone, they would have informed him in some fashion, and seeing as how there had been no mail whatsoever… Dumbledore simply _had_ to be who Al believed he was—who he said he was.

Still, even with this conclusion, what about his brother? Why had there been no news?

He sighed and then stepped up to the window overlooking Diagon Alley. It had been a month since he was brought here. A month. During that time, he had explored the alley and bought several books that might be useful, while reading others at the bookstore in a secluded corner. He'd also been dragged to the Quidditch World Cup. The game itself hadn't interested Al; however, the events that took place after the game...

It shocked Al, even after all his adventures, how cruel people could be to one another. It simply made no sense. What drove people to discriminate based on one trait? The trait to use magic? It was disgusting; but, even so, it hit too close to home. After all, hadn't his own country done something similar? They had waged war simply because the Ishballans were different. Because they had a different religion, color, and eyes; and because of these differences, the Amestrians and the wizards were allowed to believe that they were somehow superior and were granted divine permission to do as they would.

Granted, this wasn't the whole story. Al understood that much of this hatred against the Ishballans was fueled by the government's—no, King Bradley's—will, but it was still painful to think that the people would follow his ideas so readily and without thought.

In a way, Al was almost glad about the events that took place because he learned a little more that day: That even though these people could use magic, it didn't mean that the world they lived in was sugarcoated and sickeningly happy. They had their own problems and worries as well. He couldn't help but think about a historian he had once read about. This man—Al had long since forgotten his name—once said something to the likes of: "History is a poem with a set rhyme scheme that will last for the rest of time." In other words, history is cyclic, where events seem to repeat endlessly. The only way to break the cycle is to learn from the past, but even that has proven to be a futile effort.

Wars, hatred, pain, revenge—they all continue without an end in sight. Even if there is a respite from the battle, a moment of peace, there is certain to be another war over some frivolous idea.

There was a soft knock on the door, and Al was pulled from his thoughts with a small start. Hastily, he strode to the door and pulled it open. To his surprise, there was a severe-looking woman on his doorstep who disturbingly reminded him of Lieutenant Hawkeye. She seemed to glare at Al through her glasses. "Erm, hello. What can I do for you?"

"You are Alphonse Elric, correct?" she asked, studying him critically.

"Yes, I am..." If this woman knew him, then she must work for… "You work for Dumbledore?" Before she could even respond or make any sign of affirmation, Al continued, "How's Brother? Is he okay?" Already, the panicky thoughts were filling his mind. What if his condition got worse? What if he died? Maybe the homunculi actually _do_ want him and he got kidnapped! Maybe—

"There has been no change in his condition." Al sighed in relief, but stiffened when she continued. "However, he isn't the reason why I'm here. It is approaching September—the start of the term—and Dumbledore thought it best that you are at least accustomed to the castle. So, if you would, please gather all your things." And before Al could interrogate her some more on news about his brother, she said, "We will be meeting with Dumbledore shortly. He can answer any questions about your brother."

"Oh... R-right." Al was placated for the moment. "Hold on, please." He turned away from the door, but suddenly turned back. "Please come in..." he added, then went to gather his things and unceremoniously shoved them into a small, brown suitcase. He didn't have very many items, so it didn't take him long before everything was packed. Taking a final look around, he turned back to the woman, who was studying the surroundings, and then said, "I think I have everything. So, shall we go?" He grabbed a bag and shouldered it before taking hold of his suitcase.

The woman— Professor McGonagall, Al later learned— pulled from her robes a Tupperware lid. "We're going to travel by portkey." Al nodded apprehensively; his first experiences with portkeys at the World Cup had not been pleasant ("If you _wanted_ me to hurl, I'm sure you could've used some sort of spell and skipped all this spinning nonsense!"). Adjusting his luggage, he took hold of the lid with a spare hand, and within seconds, the world around him became a spinning blur.

Suddenly, the world stopped spinning, and, thanks to inertia, Al fell over, dropping the suitcase he had been holding. "Ow..." he muttered, slowly getting back on his feet and dusting himself off.

The room that he had been rudely dumped in was anything but normal: it contained strange trinkets and contraptions along the walls and on them. The room itself was circular, and there was a desk off to one side, but still more or less in the middle. Even more curious was the great, red-fire bird perched on the desk, studying the new arrivals with its tiny head cocked.

Al was studying the curious bird when his attention was drawn away as Dumbledore entered the office. "Good afternoon, Alphonse," he said cheerily, his eyes twinkling as usual. "Welcome to Hogwarts. I take your stay at the Leaky Cauldron was pleasant?" At this point, he had finished descending the stairs from, Al assumed, his quarters, and went to sit behind the desk, giving the bird a few affectionate pats.

"Yes, it was. Thank you very much…" Al muttered. It wasn't that he had really meant to lie; it was more like society's unwritten laws of conduct decided to take over, dictating Al's actions and keeping him from voicing his mounting irritation. It was another habit he had learned when Ed was around since Al was always left cleaning up whatever mess Ed had made. "Um, how's Brother?"

Dumbledore's twinkling eyes seem to fade for just a second. "His condition remains unchanged." He paused. "However, part of the reason I wanted to bring you here a little earlier than I had originally planned was because I wanted to ask you the conditions under which he had become such because... we are unable, so far, to find anything wrong with Mr. Elric."

Al looked away; he should have known something like this would happen. The headmaster reminded Al a little too much of General Armstrong, who loved to help people, but also loved to stick his nose into their business. He also reminded Al of Hughes... "We... When we were much younger, we made a grievous error; we thought we could do the impossible and go against the laws of nature, and as a result, we paid an enormous price. Brother lost his leg and arm while I lost my body..." McGonagall gasped quietly, and Dumbledore leaned forward over his desk, resting his head on his hands as he studied Al with sharp eyes.

"For many years after, we journeyed to find a solution. Brother even went so far as to become a part of the military, even though we were only children. Eventually, we were able to find something of a cure and then retired to live a quiet life in Central; however, unbeknownst to Brother, my body was rejecting my soul. I'm not sure, even after all these years, about the events that took place that day... It was utter chaos. Brother disappeared, and we feared that he had been taken by the enemy. And then…

"And then... Well, we found him, bloody and on the verge of death. He then... Well, I'm not sure what theory he had based his idea on, but he had somehow managed to make my body accept my soul and turn it into a more permanent container. But, ever since that day, Brother hasn't been..." Al drifted off. He had glossed many things over, but it was only because Al didn't want to think about it; the memory was still too painful even though it had happened so long ago. It was his original sin. His alone to carry for all eternity.

There was a long silence as the two digested the information. Then, "I see.. Well, I shall see what I can do with this information." Dumbledore leaned back in his chair, continuing to study Al. "In any case, the students arrive in a few days. Minerva, if you would lead Alphonse to his room?"

McGonagall consented. "This way, Alphonse."

"Wait, Professor. If I may... I would like to schedule the first lesson of Alchemy as a school-wide class." Al had been thinking about this for awhile, and it seemed to be the best course of action. He had to make sure that no one else would walk the path he and Ed walked. "And I'll need a large area..."

"Very well. We will schedule it for the day after the Sorting Ceremony. After lunch, and on the Quidditch pitch," he replied after a moment's thought.

Al nodded, and allowed himself to be led away.

* * *

How did you like it? I know it was kind of boring, but there was some things I thought were necessary to add. 

Anywho, review?


	3. When You Breakdown, Do It Gracefully

Notes: Wow! So many reviews and things:D Sorry that I didn't reply to all the reviews.. o.o I was stupid and got lost and forgot whom I already replied to… Haha.. Me so stupid.

And as an early Christmas present, I guess, here's another chapter :D  
A miracle, ain't it? Well, I should really get back to writing my 7-10 page essay and studying.. Exams are evil! D;

Well, happy reading!

And thanks to AkitoFallow for beta'ing

And one last note.. Virtual rice crispy treat for epobbp!

* * *

How We Long For Heaven 

Chapter 3: When You Breakdown, Do It Gracefully

Within the short time before the opening ceremony was to begin, Al found that he had become more and more unproductive than ever. At first, he tried to plan out the lessons for the students, but he found that he kept remembering the times when he and Ed studied together until they could feel their brains fry—well, in the case of Ed, anyways; Al studied until he found that he could no longer concentrate. He found it frustrating that his level of concentration had been decreasing practically exponentially by the hour, until it got to the point where getting lost in the large confusing labyrinth that was the school was most preferable. (The first time he had done this, he had panicked; fortunately, some kind house-elves pointed him in the right direction).

In fact, this was what he was doing at the moment: Being utterly lost in the school. Although, he could've sworn that he was merely backtracking to his room where he would be able to find the Great Hall; however, nothing looked familiar. He glanced at his watch and frowned. At this rate, he was going to be late for the Opening Ceremony, and he didn't think that Dumbledore would be too happy with him.

Running a hand through his blonde hair, he looked around uncertainly: Which way should he go now? He was lost as is, and with what he'd noticed about the castle from earlier, he wouldn't be able to find his way back; at least, he wouldn't be able to use any sort of physical landmarks as everything had a tendency to move of its own volition.

Suddenly, a house-elf stumbled out of a room toward his right. "Ah! There you are, Mister Elric! Master was looking for you! Quick, this way!" he squeaked. Without further ado, the little creature ran down the hall, not even waiting to see that Al was following. Without thinking, and with much relief, Al dashed after him, and before long, arrived at the large doors that marked the entrance to the Great Hall. The little house-elf bowed to him, then disappeared through another door before Al could thank him.

Looking at the door, he noticed that the muffled voice of the headmaster was drifting through. "And I have the great honor of introducing a new class this year! Please give a warm welcome to Professor Elric who will be teaching Alchemy!" The doors creaked open of their own resolve, or perhaps that of Dumbledore's, and he walked up to the dais, wondering, how did Dumbledore know he was there? Al really didn't think he would ever truly get used to the concept of magic.

Dumbledore smiled at him for a moment, eyes twinkling, before turning once again to address the students, who were clapping politely. "Professor Elric has asked that his first lesson be school-wide. As a result, I am allowing him to use the Quidditch pitch tomorrow after lunch. I expect you all to be there as this is a required class!" By this time, Al noticed an empty seat and took it after giving the students a small bow. "Now, tuck in!"

Food materialized before everyone. Fortunately, by this time, Al was used to this phenomenon and didn't even blink, but merely spooned a small portion of steak and kidney pie onto his plate. He couldn't help but notice that many of the students were staring at him and whispering to their neighbors while others seemed to be looking at someone or something further down the table. Slightly perturbed, Al looked down the table were he was sitting and received several reassuring smiles from the teachers and a (reassuring?) scowl from Professor Snape.

There was also a professor whom Al didn't recognize, who was probably the other victim of the students' interest. His face looked as if it were carved by a poor craftsman, and he had a disturbing eye that seemed to swivel around, looking in all directions, including the back of the man's head. They locked eyes for a moment, and Al quickly looked away, embarrassed that he had been caught staring, and wondered if the man was part of the army. Then again, did they have an army? They had a Ministry of Magic, but that didn't seem to equate to the same thing.

"Hmmm, my dear, you have an interesting aura. Please allow me to read your fortune," interrupted a dreamy voice. Al looked to the other side and was met with eyes that were impossibly large.

"Er, I b-beg your pardon?" Al stammered in surprise as he tried to back away from the enormous eyes without seeming to be rude. It took him a moment, but he realized that her eyes only looked enormous because she was wearing spectacles that greatly magnified them. Briefly, he wondered if she would be considered blind without them.

"Allow me to read your fortune," she repeated impatiently, motioning that he should give her his hand.

"Er, that's quite alright," he said, inching away from her, rather disturbed by the woman. "In fact, I'm quite tired. I think I'll turn in for the night. Thank you, though." Al hastily got up, bowed slightly to her, and then left the Great Hall for the sanctuary of his room. Were wizards usually this odd? He supposed that it wasn't a fair assumption, since he hadn't met very many, and there were many rather interesting figures in the world of alchemy.

He was worried, though: If she had read his palm, would it show that he wasn't really a human but a homunculus? Would something like that even show? Or was his hand the hand of someone else? It was a question that had plagued his mind like an itch he couldn't scratch. After all, he had most likely been "re-formed" from scratch.

Then an idea hit Al, causing him to stop; he didn't like it.

What if it were all merely equivalent exchange to the very bitter end?

Shaking his head and willing himself to think of other things, he abruptly remembered the other reason that he had skipped out on dinner. He turned around and swiftly made his way toward the infirmary.

* * *

Harry glanced up from his food as a figure hastily made its way passed him. It took him a moment to realize that it was the new professor and that he appeared to be bothered by something, if the furrowed brow was any indication. 

It was then that Harry realized what was bothering him ever since the young professor walked through the doors: Why did he look so familiar? He shouldn't know him, right?

Ron, too, noticed how swiftly Professor Elric left the Great Hall, and, with his mouth still stuffed with food, garbled, "Wut's wid 'im?"

"Ew! Ron! Swallow before you talk!" Hermione exclaimed, having received a full view of the food in Ron's mouth. She shook her head as Ron rolled his eyes. "Well, it seems that Professor Trelawney has taken an interest in him and was probably badgering him to let her read his fortune or some sort, and I'm sure that it doesn't help that half the school is talking about him and Professor Moody. He probably isn't used to all the attention."

With brow furrowed in confusion, Ron started to open his mouth, but Hermione headed him off. "She was talking to him in her adamant manner and gesturing for his hand." She took a bite of her food, then frowned. "I wonder what sort of professor he will be… And a school-wide first lesson? I wonder what that's about? He can't just teach each class separately?"

Harry shrugged in response still frowning at the door where the professor had recently walked through. "I guess we'll have to wait for tomorrow to find out."

"Yes, unfortunately," she agreed. "And I wonder what Professor Moody will be like! There's all these rumors, you know? And yet there is nothing on Professor Elric. I wonder... Maybe I'll go to the library and read up a bit on alchemy."

Ron made a strangled noise and looked at her in disbelief.

"What?" Hermione glared at him.

* * *

The next day dawned bright with a few fluffy clouds decorating the otherwise clear blue sky. Al breathed in the fresh air, mentally preparing himself for what he had to do. It wasn't going to be easy, but he was determined to go through with it; after all, he had sworn that if he were to teach these children, he would not allow them to walk the same path that he and Ed had. It was his obligation as a professor and his duty as a sinner. 

He idly watched as the students filed in, slowly filling up the seats and chatting amongst themselves without a care in the world. Al envied them: Had he and Ed lived like that, how different would their lives be?

While waiting for the rest of the students, he made his way to Dumbledore, who was sitting with the other professors. Apparently, since Al had the whole student body present for his lecture, the professors had nothing better to do than to watch his first lesson as well. Briefly, he wondered how furious they would get with him, but he quickly dismissed it; if the students ever walked away with anything, he wanted them to walk away with the one lesson he would teach them today.

"Ah, excuse me, Headmaster?" Al bowed politely. "Is there a way to make my voice louder? I think it might be a bit difficult for all of the students to hear me if I'm yelling." He vaguely motioned at the crowd.

"That is easily done," Dumbledore replied, pulling out his wand and pointing it at Al while muttering "Sonorus." He smiled and put his wand away. "There you are."

"Thank you. Oh wow, that's loud." Al blinked in surprise as his voice was projected throughout the stadium. The children quickly quieted in anticipation, all wondering how this new professor would teach this new subject.

"Um, ok." Al quickly arranged his thoughts. "This being your first alchemy lesson, I welcome you." He made his way toward the middle of the field. "But disregard any preconceived notions you may have on alchemy because alchemy is not magic, and like magic, not everyone can do alchemy. However, I do expect you all to at least attempt the lessons to the best of your abilities." He stopped and studied the ground where he was standing. Next to him was a field line striper. Taking hold of it, he began to draw a simple alchemical array in white paint.

"With alchemy, many things are possible, as long as they are within the Laws of Nature. When you try to go outside of these Laws, there are grave consequences. People have died due to carelessness." He finished the array and knelt down next to it. "But don't be frightened off; alchemy can be used to do great deeds. However, it can also be used to do horrible deeds. It all depends on the user.

"Through alchemy, I can change the shape of an object or even create different substances, like so." He reached down and activated the array. The lines began to glow with a bright blue and azure lightening, making it difficult to look straight at it. Several gasps were heard as the ground seemed to morph in front of them and, after a minute, settled into the shape of a very large maze. The distinct smell of ozone permeated the air, but quickly dissipated as the breeze carried it off. Instantly, after the reaction, the students burst into talk.

Al studied his handiwork for a moment before continuing. "This sort of thing is only possible, as I said before, if you stay within the Laws of Nature. Therefore, you cannot create anything unless you use something else to create it – Equivalent exchange. I will go into this in more detail at your next lesson." By this time, the stadium was dead silent, save for the sound of the breeze on the grass.

"The lesson I want you all to know, regardless if you continue to learn alchemy, is that you must not go against these Laws of Nature. We are not gods who can do as they wish without regard. That means that the dead will continue to be dead; there is no bringing them back to life. This is the number one taboo of alchemy. Many people have tried, and they have all failed. Most of them died in the process; the rest have been driven insane."

_Because I can't have any of them following in our footsteps. Isn't that right, brother?_

"Furthermore..." Al walked away from the maze and began to draw another array that looked identical to the first. "I want to stress to you all the importance of being precise and careful." A few practiced strokes later, he finished drawing it, but then used his foot to erase a small part of the array. "Alchemy has serious consequences, and I will not tolerate anyone who is merely goofing off in my class. You will be kicked out and there will not be any second chances. This is my first and final warning to you. I will not repeat it, so take it to heart."

"And now, I will demonstrate why you must be precise. Also keep in mind that something similar has been theorized to have occurred to those who try to go against the Laws of Nature." Before anyone could react, Al knelt down and activated the flawed array.

At first, it seemed to act just like the first one he had drawn as it glowed neon blue, but there was definitely something wrong. Something just didn't feel right.

Abruptly, instead of the azure color that they had seen before, the array turned a blood red with red lightening flashing uncontrollably around the array. Several students screamed in surprise at the sudden change. More students joined in the screaming when they saw the ground morph like some sick creature trying to rise from the depths of hell. Unexpectedly, it formed into a series of spikes headed straight for Al; he tried to prepare himself for an impact, but it was too quick. A particularly large spike was allowed to pierce him through the abdomen. Others quickly followed, slicing through his legs and arms with the ease of steel.

He gritted his teeth against the pain, but was unable to suppress the blood-curling scream. Truth be told, he had been expecting something like this, but even so, nothing could have possibly prepared him for the uncertainty of the real thing.

Focused completely on staying alive and making sure that the other spikes couldn't mortally wound him, he couldn't hear the other students nor the feet of the professors who were hastily making their way toward him. Ignoring them, he clapped his shaking hands weakly and alchemized the ground back to its usual flat state and collapsed onto his hands and knees.

"It seems... that I've.." He coughed violently and then vomited blood, the sounds echoing throughout the chaotic stadium. "I've.. miscalculated.. a little.. I'm sorry, bro-."

Already, the loss of so much blood was difficult to deal with, and Al was feeling extremely dizzy. The world was spinning in impossible ways, even when he closed his eyes. Unable to fight gravity any longer, nor the loss of so much blood, he crumpled into a small heap as his blood flowed freely from his wound, painting the grass crimson.

Then, everything turned blissfully black.

* * *

_  
King Arthur,_

_I have decided to take the risk, but do not worry. I won't die until I receive you safely returned from Avalon. _

_That is my promise to you._

* * *

So what did you think? Review? 

And if you can tell me where the chapter title came from, I will be uber impressed :D

And ack.. FF doesn't like me.. Stupid formatting!


	4. So Long

**How We Long For Heaven **

**Chapter 4: So Long**

It had been several days since Professor Elric's first class, and the school was still buzzing. Rumors flew across the school, growing more and more distorted with each telling, and it seemed that even the newspapers were catching on that something was amiss at Hogwarts; although, the professors were doing a good job of keeping the cat in the bag.

However, the fact still remained that Professor Elric had not been seen since the day of the incident. Students who were too disturbed and who sought the help of the school nurse reported that the far end of the infirmary was closed off and that no one was allowed near, not that anyone would dare approach it. The image of the jagged pillars of stone impaling their alchemy professor was still far too vivid in their minds.

* * *

"I wonder why the professors didn't take him to St. Mungo's? Wouldn't they be more equipped to care for him?" Harry muttered to his two best friends one night in the empty common room, studying Professor Elric's name on the Marauder's Map. Hermione looked up from her homework.

"Hmmm, maybe it's something that they wouldn't be able to handle? After all, it was alchemy... But then again, it was a normal wound, I suppose. But then again..." Hermione began listing other reasons, tapping her homework with a fidgety hand. The tapping slowed and then silence reigned. "But I don't understand why he went to such extreme lengths for that one lesson..."

Harry glanced at Ron. "You alright, mate?"

"Huh? What? Oh, yeah." Ron blinked and grinned warily for a brief second. "I just can't get that image out of my head. What kind of person does that to himself?!"

"I don't know," Harry replied slowly, eyes reverting back to the map and the dot labeled 'Alphonse Elric'.

He froze. The dot faded and another seemed to appear next to it, both labeled with the same name. "How—?"

"Harry?" He felt his friends look down, peering at where he was now pointing.

Hermione gasped while Ron softly muttered, "Bloody hell."

The three stared at the two spots for awhile in silence. "I think we should look into this," said Harry, standing up and moving toward the boys' dorm, obviously going to fetch his father's invisibility cloak.

Several minutes later, the three were standing outside the infirmary and making their way toward the blocked-off area where, presumably, the healing professor was resting.

"B-brother? Where are you?"

The trio stopped. It was a child's voice, meekly calling out. He sounded lost and scared, even on the verge of tears. Harry glanced at Ron and Hermione before moving the curtains a little bit to see who was on the other side.

A young child, maybe about 5 years old was sitting on the ground with his back to the wall and hugging his legs to his chest. His arm was brushing away tears as he sniffed. He had brown hair and was not wearing a school uniform, so he couldn't have been a student.

Another interesting fact that Harry noticed: he didn't seem to be all there. To be more specific, he was a ghost.

"Did we have a kid ghost in this school?" Ron whispered.

"I don't think so," Hermione whispered back, frowning.

"Shh..."

"I-is someone there?" The young boy stood up, and it became apparent in the moonlight that he didn't have brown hair, but rather blonde. His eyes darted around the room frantically, and he tried to take several steps back, but was stopped by the wall. A quick glance back confirmed that he was trapped.

"Hermione!" Ron hissed as she threw off the cloak and approached the child. She turned to glare at him.

"He's just a child, Ron! Honestly!" She knelt next to the boy and moved to put her arm around him, but stopped when she remembered that it would have been useless since he wasn't really alive.

"Who a-are you?" Wide golden eyes met hers.

"I'm Hermione, and that—" she pointed toward the two boys who had shed the invisibility cloak, "is Harry and Ron. You are?"

"Al." He wiped his eyes, but they were still shiny with tears. "Have you seen my brother? He always runs off on his own, thinking he can do everything, and now it's all my fault. All of it. If only..." He grew silent, and more tears fell from his eyes.

Harry and Ron exchanged glances as Hermione tried to comfort Al. It took some time, but he did calm down. An awkward silence followed.

"So how did you die?"

"Ron!" which was immediately followed by a "WHAT?!"

"I'm just making conversation!"

"I-I'm not dead, am I? I guess I can see why you would think that. I guess my soul never was attached very well ever since that day." He studied his hands, disturbed by how he could see the beds on the other side of the room through them.

"What do you mean?" That was Harry, who stepped forward to get a better look at the young boy.

"My brother and I, we were so foolish back then. We made a big mistake, dabbled in things we could not possibly understand. We lost a lot that day. He always blamed himself for what happened, even though it wasn't his fault. It was mine! If only I didn't go along with it! I should've argued with him. But I missed Mom too. I wanted to see her again, and... I let that emotion cloud my sight." The silence this time lasted much longer.

After some empty words and frivolous conversation, they excused themselves, promising that they would visit again.

* * *

For two nights, they visited Al, keeping him company and gathering what little tidbits of information that they could. They didn't find much, but Hermione was able to guess with pretty good probability that he was an alchemist. ("Equivalent exchange. You tell me something, then I'll tell you something.")

"Maybe he's Professor Elric's dead son? I mean, he is old enough, if just barely, to have had a son, and they do share the same name... I mean, Professor Elric looks to be in his twenties and could have given his son the same name. They do look similar, after all," Hermione thought out loud. "And it would explain why he was there; Al could be haunting Professor Elric."

"Who knows?" Ron sputtered, shoveling food in his mouth; it was breakfast. "Oh yeah, we have class with Professor Moody today! I heard that he's absolutely smashing!"

Unfortunately, because of this class, the three forgot about the little boy.

It was a few days before they remembered him.

* * *

"I had figured that it was you three who were visiting young Alphonse."

"Dumbledore?!"

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm just here to give you a message from him. He wants to thank you for visiting him." Dumbledore got up from the chair that he was sitting in. Apparently, he was waiting for the three to make an appearance.

"What do you mean?" asked Harry.

"As you can see, he is no longer here. He decided that it was time to move on, that nothing could be gained from staying in the past. Of course, he had some help."

"So he's gone?! Just like that?" Hermione looked horrified. She hadn't realized that it could be so easy to erase an existence from the world.

"Oh, I wouldn't worry at all." Dumbledore smiled kindly with his eyes twinkling and moved toward the doors, but turned around. "And I would make this your last trip here since he won't be here any longer. Well, I bid you all good night."

"I didn't know it was possible for ghosts to move on. I thought that once they were a ghost, they stayed here," mulled Harry.

"I'm not entirely sure," muttered Hermione. "What do you think, Ron?"

"No idea. I hadn't heard anything like this before, so I'm not sure. But who do you think he was?"

"Maybe he really was Professor Elric's son; although, they have a pretty messed up family, then. I mean, Professor Elric's wife is dead, right? Al did say that he missed her... Or she's missing, or left them."

"And he has a brother, that much we know," Hermione added. "He might be dead as well...or missing, or left with the mother," she added as an after-thought. "He was looking for him..."

"But wouldn't that mean that Professor Elric is the only living family member if they're all dead?!" Ron blurted. The three fell silent. With the conclusions they drew, this Professor Elric was not very trustworthy as he could have been the cause of the Elric family tragedy, or he was one tragic victim in a series of unfortunate circumstances.

"I think we'll have to keep an eye on him," Harry decided; the other two nodded in agreement, and with that, they made their way back to the common room and bid one another a good night before heading to their respective dorms to sleep.

* * *

_Sometimes I am reminded of Humpty-Dumpty, and I wonder how things would have been different had all the King's men and all the King's horses been able to put him back together? Better yet, how would his life been changed if he had never even fallen? Maybe I should just stop regressing and living in the past and just address the issue at hand: Why King Arthur even went to Avalon in the first place, and what is Morgan le Fey and her crew even planning?_

_She has, of yet, left us alone, but we all know that she wants the kingdom and to destroy Arthur. In fact, she and her crew have been frighteningly quiet. They must be up to something. _

_

* * *

_

Chapter title is from Magnetic North's "So Long."

The last chapter's name was Ken Oak Band's "Annabelle." Nice try guessing! Haha.

On to more serious matters… I wanted to care about this story more, but my interest is seriously dwindling to the point that I don't care. This chapter was written over a year ago, but I didn't want to post it because of the fact that I didn't want to edit it. However, since I no longer really care, here it is. I still can't decide if I want to kill this story or not.

As always, thanks to AkitoFallow for beta'ing

Review?


	5. Awakening

**How We Long for Heaven**

**Chapter 5: Awakening**

Golden orbs slowly opened and blinked in the bright light that was streaming in through the windows. Al softly groaned and was sorely tempted to mutter that he hoped someone got the license plate of that truck that ran him over because he wanted to sue the hell out of that driver, but he found that he was too stiff and exhausted to do anything other than groan again.

Blinking again and forcing his arm to cover his eyes from the offending sunlight that demanded he wake, he thought about exactly _why_ he was feeling so stiff. He was drawing a blank at the moment.

'_Ah, right,'_ he winced, recalling the spikes. '_Well, that should teach them a lesson about messing with Alchemy… Maybe I went too far. I wonder what brother would have done in my stead…_

'_Brother!'_ His head snapped up and his breath hitched with the exertion, but he refused to lie back down until he was certain of his brother's condition, or unchanging condition as it were.

As it turned out, a thoughtful person had rolled his wheelchair over to Al's bed, but the elder Elric's expression did nothing to improve Al's mood. Instead of staring out at the Forbidden Forest or Hogwart's grounds, he now stared blankly down at the younger Elric with unseeing eyes. There was a pang of pain in Al's chest that had nothing to do with his first class, but before he was able to brood on it anymore, a soft voice spoke up.

"You've finally awoken. You know, it's been a little over a week since your lesson. Do you mind explaining to me _why_ exactly such extreme methods were necessary?" Al turned his eyes away from his brother to look at the speaker, who was none other than Professor Dumbledore. The usual glint in his eyes seemed to be missing, and he looked exhausted. '_More like his age,'_ Al found himself inadvertently thinking.

"I admit… I hadn't intended to be.. thoroughly incapacitated.. But understand that the demonstration was done with full knowledge of the risks involved!" Al added hastily before continuing. "I just wanted to show the students that Alchemy is risky to learn without full knowledge of what is going on. I also wanted to discourage those who would not take it seriously and to make sure that they would not try to abuse it. I especially wanted to make sure that they would not be tempted to try and use Alchemy to against the Laws of Nature."

Al studied his hands, twisting them into the folds of his blanket as his mind wandered back to that fateful day he and Ed decided to bring back their mother. If he could prevent another such tragedy, he would do anything within his power to do so. It was evident from his own experiences with Master that being beaten and scolded multiple times did nothing to discourage such taboo actions.

He could feel Dumbledore's eyes boring into the top of his head trying to understand, and then there was a soft sigh. "I can see why you would want to deter the students from such courses of actions, but I think that it was too extreme. I certainly hope that you don't intend to do such things in the future. I can't imagine what your brother would say."

Al winced and shook his head. "No, I don't think I'll be repeating that performance… Speaking of brother, how has he been?" He felt his eyes gravitate toward the older blonde.

"There has been no change."

"I see.. That was.. to be expected, I guess." His voice deflated, and he went back to twisting his fingers into the folds of the blanket.

He heard a door open from the back of the infirmary and then soft footsteps approach his bed. "Alphonse dear! You're awake! How do you feel?"

"Poppy" In the corner of his eyes, he saw purple star-printed robes rise, pause to speak some hushed words with the small nurse, and then, as the owner bid the two farewell, leave the infirmary.

* * *

It was almost another week before Al was well enough to leave the infirmary and teach classes again, which was several weeks too early in Poppy's humble opinion ("If you're feeling unwell, I want you to come straight here!"), but Al was starting to go stir crazy. No wonder Ed would always try to sneak out of the hospital even though his wounds were still bleeding everywhere!

Stiffly (his body was not quite fully recovered yet), Al made his way to the Great Hall for his first real meal since being stuck in bed. Making his way up to the teacher's table, he could hear the hall slowly grow silent, and then burst back into nervous chatter. Catching bits and pieces of the conversations going on around him, he thought he heard his name several times, but he ignored them; he was used to these whispers from when he was in a suit of armor.

The hushed conversations behind Al's back went on for several days, and when Al's classes started up again, he wondered for the umpteenth time if he had gone too far: the students were perhaps too timid or scared (or in the case of a rare few, still irritatingly pompous) and it took them awhile before they could look at Al without cringing.

As September faded into October, the young alchemist frequently found his mind wandering back to that fateful day

"_But brother, what about the soul's information?"_

"I think our blood should work.."

He should have known then that it wouldn't work. After all, how can blood contain something intangible as the soul? They were much too naïve. Hell, red blood cells don't even contain DNA!

There was an unsettling feeling in the air and Al's head shot up, quickly assessing the situation. "Idiot! Why the hell did you activate it?!" he practically yelled, making his way to the back of the classroom where some poor student was about to get the brunt of a rebound.

His eyes quickly scanned the simple array he had the students drawing and noted the error: the masses did not balance out, never mind the fact that Al had not given any of the students the materials to actually perform his transmutation they were drawing.

Thinking fast, he clapped his hands and reached for the circle; he couldn't stop the reaction, but he could at least divert the some of the energy away from the boy. Grimacing as he fought to control the loose energy, he felt himself falling and then the world turned white.

"We meet again, Mr. Al-che-mist."

* * *

"Professor! Professor!"

Al's eyes snapped open and he groaned; he had a massive migraine. "I'm fine, I'm fine." He hastily waved the mass of people away and slowly got up. "How's the kid?"

"Neville's fine, sir. Just a little shaken, I think." A bushy-haired brunette answered – Hermione? – as she looked off to the side where another student was trying to calm Neville down

"I see. That's good." A gloved hand reached up and felt his head; it came away stained with his blood; he must've hit the desk when he passed out. Shaking his head slightly, then immediately regretting the action as it made his migraine worse, he looked at Neville to discern for himself how the idiot was doing.

He was sitting on the ground, clearly shaken, but other than that, there were no visible injuries. Relieved, Al tenderly got to his feet.

"Come, Mr. Longbottom. Let's go to the infirmary. Mr. Potter, if you would mind helping your fellow student along. To the rest of you, class is dismissed." There was a sudden bustle of movement as student quickly left that classroom whispering amongst themselves.

'Fantastic,' Al thought cynically. '_Class barely gets on and a student triggers a rebound when they weren't even trying to activate the circles. I wonder how many more will drop?_' He sighed and waited for the two boys to exit the class first before following slowly behind.

For awhile, they walked in silence, and then, just before reaching the infirmary, Neville turned to look back at Al.

"P-professor…" The three paused in the hall. "What _was_ that? That.. door?"

Al's eyes sharpened and he forgot about his headache. "You… saw that?"

"I-it was a bit hazy… I mean, I couldn't get a good look at it.."

"It didn't open, did it?!" Neville hastily shook his head and Al breathed a sigh of relief. "Of course it wouldn't. Something minor like that… There would be no reason for it to open." He muttered to himself.

"Just… just forget about it. You shouldn't have seen it in the first place. It's really not that important…. And please, don't mention it to anyone."

He walked passed the two boys into the infirmary and motioned that the two boys should follow him. As Poppy made a fuss over them, he let his mind wander back to the gate.

Why had it called them there in the first place? The rebound for that particular reaction was not going to be serious as it was an easy transmutation. Certainly, either him or Neville would have come away with some lacerations, maybe fractures, but it was nothing that some time could not heal. But then, some things that the gate had said greatly disturbed Al…

"_We meet again, Mr. Al-che-mist."_

"_You.. again. Why am I here?"_

"Just thought I would have a nice conversation with you." There was that sickening smile. "I mean, you aren't curious? About your brother?"

He could feel his heart skip a beat. "…What do you mean?"

"Ah ah ah! Equivalent Exchange. What are you willing to give? Perhaps a life?"The smile grew wider.

"You bastard! Like I would do that! Brother would never forgive me!"

After that… After that, he must have been sent back. He closed his eyes and clutched at his head. "Dammit all…"

* * *

As soon as they made it back to the common room, Harry dragged Neville back to their room, motioning for Ron and Hermione to follow. Shutting the door, he turned to Neville. "What did you mean, door? And what the bloody hell even happened?!"

"I.. I'm not sure myself… Malfoy gave me a scare, and next thing I know, the array activated! Then, it was all white, but there was this huge door." He shivered at the memory. "It gave me a really bad feeling… But it was all hazy, you know? Like, looking through a fog.

"A-and the professor, he seemed to be arguing with someone. I couldn't really make out what they were saying or even see w-who is was. B-but I-I think I heard something about Equivalent Exchange..a-and a life!" He looked up at the three with wide eyes.

Silence permeated the room and the four exchange looks. _What the hell was going on?!_

* * *

_I don't know what to do! The path to Avalon.. can it only be through the one gate?! Isn't there another way? There has to be, right?!_

_I don't know what to do anymore! I can't seem to think straight anymore! _

_Arthur! Why did you leave?! How can I bring you back?!_

* * *

Notes: So I decided to continue this story due to the enormous amounts of reviews asking me to continue it. We'll see how this goes… .;;

But seriously, I want to thank you all for the reviews! They really inspired me to continue to write! ^-^

Every time I don't feel like continuing or my brain stops, I read a couple reviews and the thoughts start flowing again. You're all awesome :D

So I'll try to do my best with this story!

-Razra

Title is from Mae's Awakening.


	6. sorry

I'm really sorry to say this and I really hate to do it, but I simply cannot finish this story. I just don't have the drive or the interest, and writing it has become painful. It also doesn't help that in my mind, I consider this story a failure since it just won't come together (probably because I didn't think it through well enough and I've forgotten all the plot points that I wanted to include.. and it too closely follows the books which is not interesting at all). In fact, the only concrete thing in my mind was how I wanted the story to end… but I had no path to that ending and I have no drive to figure one out…

So uh.. basically what I'm trying to say is that this story will be abandoned.. which is sad for me because this was one of my first real attempts to build a whole plot (Other than Of Fairy Tale Proportions, but that's a completely different can of worms.. and conventiently turned into a one-shot). But seriously.. five chapters since it was published in '06? That's really bad…

I will be including notes and stuff of what I wanted to happen after this note.

If anyone would like to pick up this story, go right ahead! Just please message me or leave a review so that I know.

Again, I'm terribly sorry..please don't lynch me.. (maybe it would be easier if I wrote this like Icarus Walks.. OTL)

~razra

* * *

**Plot points** (wow, this story was so.. I don't even have a lot of plot points…)

Here is the part of chapter 6 I had managed to write after I re-worked everything out.. It has not been proof-read and it lacks completeness... I also jump like.. most of the year because there was nothing I could think to write…

**Chapter 6: Refuge you built to flee (the places you have come to fear the most by Dashboard Confessionals)**

"Equivalent Exchange… Like, a life for a life?" Hermione thought out loud. The three were in the common room and were frantically trying to complete some last minute assignments. It was Sunday night and they were the last people there as they had spent much of the weekend pondering what had happened during class.

She paused and the three stared at each other. "Can that even be done? With Alchemy, I mean?"

"That's twisted," Ron remarked, looking up from sneaking peeks at Hermione's paper.

"I don't think you can even do that with magic," Harry muttered, thinking back to the young Alphonse. "But, I mean, do you think he wants to bring someone back? Like, that little boy.. Al."

The three grew silent, each with thinking his/her own thoughts.

"I think we need to find out more about Professor Elric," Hermione mused, chewing on the tip of her quill. She paused. "You know, he's been spending a lot of time in the library and in the infirmary… I think we should try to find out what he's been looking up in the library."

It wasn't hard to find out Professor Elric's day-to-day schedule. First, he taught classes, and when he had any breaks, he would visit the infirmary, toting around several books and paperwork to grade. When Madam Pomfry kicked him out for the night, he would visit the library, get more books, and then sit at one of the tables alternating between doing work and grading papers until Madam Pince kicked him out. Softly scowling to himself, he would make his way to his office with a new stack of books and, most likely, do more work until he fell asleep. When he was stronger, there were rumors that he started to run early in the morning, and of the three, only Hermione was able to confirm the fact since she was the only early riser.

Food was more-or-less shoved down his throat by disgruntled house-elves who were no doubt set to the task by the Headmaster; otherwise, Harry was certain that the Professor would not eat.

How the man got through the next few months was certainly a mystery; however, the longs nights and lack of diet seemed to be affecting him as it was now a common sight to see the Professor nibbling on a sandwich or sleeping on some papers. Harry also wasn't faring well what with the trials from the Triwizard Tournament, but he was nowhere near as bad.

It was during one of these impromptu naps that Ron snatched one of the Professor's journals.

"What is this?" Ron grumbled. The three were in the corner of the common room where they were certain that they couldn't be spied upon.

"I..have no idea," Hermione muttered, deep in thought. When Ron had sauntered triumphantly into the common room with the journal, they thought that they would finally get their answers; however, when they opened the book, it was a bunch of writings about Avalon, King Arthur, Peter Pan, et cetera…

"They're all fairytales," Harry said, reading a few of the lines. "But, he can't be just.. I mean, when we looked at some of the books he borrowed, they weren't muggle books."

"Yea," Hermione agreed, brow furrowing in thought. "Well, let's think about this later. We have other things to worry about.

"Harry? Are you ready for the final challenge? Let's practice some of the other spells we were looking at."

* * *

Al vaguely watched the proceedings as the quidditch field became packed. He couldn't say that he really understood the need to put the children in danger, but it's not like they would listen to him; he wasn't even a wizard.

He also probably wasn't paying as much attention as he should have been since one of his journals had gone missing. At least it was all coded, but still… He couldn't find it anywhere.

* * *

Anyway, so the random stuff about Avalon, et cetera, were excerpts from Al's journal. He used fairy tales to code his journal.

Avalon - Wherever Ed's mind went

Fountain of Youth - the way to get back

King Arthur - Ed

Morgan le Fey- Homunculus and others

Peter Pan - wishes, hope

Neverland - The time before trying to bring back mother, happiness

Humpty-Dumpty - Al

Or something of the like.. the meaning of several of these changed several times over the years because I kept forgetting and couldn't find the original paper where I had it all written..

* * *

Al's soul is no longer properly attached to his body - reason why he became a ghost momentarily

Could have been when he was teaching the students, the attack jarred his soul

Helping Neville also didn't help (This was meant to be explained earlier, but it slipped my mind).

* * *

Chapter 6 - The gang becomes suspicious of Al, but don't do anything about it. They get distracted by the tournament and kinda forget about him

Then the race to the cup. Ed becomes pride - Harry sees when he gets back. Ed kills someone, then gets away.

Later, Harry goes to talk to Al about it and gets heartfelt convo about how people can't be brought back, yadda yadda..

End - Ed becomes Pride and gets away. Al has decided that to atone for his sins, he must kill Ed/Pride; however, he has little time as his soul is continuing to separate from his body.

"They say that homunculus have no memories, but I think I'm starting to remember. You were once important to me, weren't you? And I didn't want to lose you.. So, you have to do this. Before I'm not -me- anymore, you have to use my stone and re-fix your soul... Al."

* * *

There was going to be a follow-up story.. which then became a one-shot. I might still write it, though I just gave away all spoilers haha

…again, I'm really sorry to be a disappointment, but I simply cannot work on this story anymore. It's such a big disaster…

And like I mentioned earlier, if anyone would like to pick up this story and save it, go right ahead! Please just message me or leave a review~

Before I shut up, I would like to extend a personal apology to AkitoFallow... I must be a terrible person to beta for and I'm sorry that I suddenly stopped sending chapters/et cetera. Please pardon me for my stupidity.

Again, really sorry to everyone... maybe one day, I will completely re-vamp this story...

~razra


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